It is 2:08 a.m.

Normally, it is not that odd that I would be awake at this time. I work the night shift, after all. But usually, on the weekends, my sleep pattern mimics that of the normal world, with very little trouble. I sleep a lot on weekends. My body tries to drink up all of the sleep it has missed at 1 a.m. 3 a.m. 4 a.m. for the past 5 days. I can easily go to bed early, and sleep in late. I have sometimes slept 12-14 hours at a time (if given the opportunity -- I must say my husband is wonderful at letting me sleep in when I need to rejuvenate with rest.)
But this weekend my body has rebelled. Last night too. I laid in bed, next to a sleeping husband, with two sleeping kids a door away, and I watched the hours tick by. I don't know when I fell asleep. I didn't feel awake when it was time to get up.
I thought today would be different. We had an active day. Worked out at the Y and went swimming for much of the afternoon. That is always a tiring event. This evening I took a hot bath, read a book and prepared for bed. Now it is past 2 a.m. and I feel like I should be awake. Doing something. Working. Being productive. Using my time. I just want to sleep. But I have no desire to.
Tomorrow I will feel this. Tomorrow, on my short day, on the day when I will start my "Monday" when it is still technically Sunday night, I will be exhausted. And I will sleep hard all of Monday.
Tonight (or technically, this morning) my brain will not shut off. Maybe it is the book I am reading. It has me thinking a lot. It has me self-examining. And that self-examination leads me to find something else to occupy my mind with, because self examination is scary, uncomfortable and not at all fun. So I think about projects: the work I need to do at work. The pile of laundry that needs to be put away downstairs. the place we want to go for vacation this summer. can we afford a vacation this summer? that reminds me, I need to work on my taxes. Could I get all my paperwork done this weekend and take them to my tax preparers (my wonderful relatives) this week? I wonder what kind of refund we'll get this year. God, I hope we get a refund. Well, I guess I shouldn't miss something we never had, if we don't. I should start working on my spring break project. What color are we going to paint the dining room walls? I need to start looking at paint samples. Oh crap. I still haven't talked to my boss about my work review. And there is that paper I have been forgetting to turn in to the HR woman. I hope I don't forget that Lauryn starts swim lessons on Tuesday. And I do need to call and get dentists appointments for the family.
Crap. I'm going to be tired tomorrow, when the rest of my well-rested family is ready for the day.
I'm going to go lie down now. (Or is it lay down? I should know this. I was an English major. What was it, only chickens and hookers lay, everyone else lies? I forget. I am a crappy student. I forget everything after I take the test. ) I'm going to go be in my bed, with the lights off. I hope I fall asleep soon. It is lonely to be the only one awake.